I didn’t mean to drown myself, I meant to swim till I sank

I have not written in quite some time, I am aware.

It’s not that I’ve run out of things to say, it’s simply that each time I sat down to write, my heart was torn out fresh for a while.

Ultimately these writings are about men; my relationship toward them, my passions, desires & drives for them, the journeys taken, the adventures lived…
And unfortunately, the losses…the heartbreak, and the pain.

Back in January, I went through an enormous loss.ded
I had been seeing a man…whom I had nicknamed ‘The Deer Hunter’.
In retrospect, the nickname was devastatingly apt.
He had a few health issues I was aware of, however I did not realize the amount of mental suffering he was living with, and ultimately he ended up stepping out of the world via a rifle, on my birthday, thirty minutes after dropping me off at my home.

Afterward, I struggled for quite a while mentally, and to this day I’m still not sure if the impact on my mind has ceased, however, I remain alive & breathing, and must continue on my path, even if I may be crawling it instead of walking now.

At the end of May, I met another man, and he has been such a sweet comfort…he treats me well, is a strong, intelligent rock of a being, and I find myself caring very much for him. He allows me to be myself, and I am trying to care for him as much as I am able.

I felt able enough to return to this journal of mine, but I do not have much to say today.
I felt as though I owed my dear readers a reason for my silence, and reassurance that I am indeed still here…it will just take some time to climb back upon the beast that is the written word.

 

All my love,

-JK-

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