The Essence of a Beautiful Heart, the Essence of an Honest Spirit.

Screenshot 2018-02-20 at 3.49.43 PMI love cam work.
Finding my sexual freedom & autonomy through the internet has been a long journey… I have been attracting male objectification for my entire life, and being on the internet was no exception, however having a physical barrier between me and the thousands of prodding, leering eyes allowed me to explore & experiment with many different personal ideas and desires in a more private setting. Through these interactions, as I have stated before, I learned about healthy boundary-setting, have explored more in-depth personal opinions on a wider range of topics such as trafficking, abnormal sexuality, ethically-sourced porn & sex-toys/materials, etc… so One cannot argue that sex work in general, and cam work specifically, have not helped me grow as a person.

However, too many times in this industry, I have felt less-than supported in my efforts to ‘entertain’. Too often, I have given away free or heavily discounted photosets or public cam shows. Too many times I have spent 9 hours or more on camera, only to receive a sum total of fewer than ten dollars for my efforts. Screenshot 2018-02-20 at 2.36.46 PM

I cannot complain or say that this applies to all of my viewers.

Of course, every sex worker or cam girl has fans & loyal supporters that do what they can, but this job is High-Fucking-Maintenance, and I can very easily say I am not even scraping bottom of the barrel in terms of what I COULD be offering as an entertainer if I had the resources.

Some days, I can pinpoint the issue as to why I have no engagement… some days, I log on even though I am feeling mentally foggy or agitated. I do this for a few reasons…

The fact of the matter is, interacting with my regulars, ‘meeting’ new tippers, having interesting, wacky sexual conversations… sometimes these things are a beautiful way of lifting my mood. Some days, these interactions are what keeps me going and happy and content with not only the job itself but with my life overall.
Screenshot 2018-02-20 at 2.58.26 PMSecondarily, some folks out there seem to think it’s ‘Hot’ or ‘Sexy’ when I’m foul and pissy and acting like a harpy. I don’t quite understand it, but verbally lashing non-paying, lurking trolls who dare stretch their fingers to type in my room can be fantastic stress-relief, and if it gets some of my people off… it’s worth every lash.

Again, however…
I cannot keep cutting payday close… every rent check barely scraped together, relying on the random kindness of two or three different strangers every month to cover gaps… It is simply an exhausting way to live, and while it is easy for other women & men to give up this industry and switch careers when they note a lack of interest in their entertainment, I simply do not have that luxury or option available to me.

My endometriosis causes me to have periods that I cannot schedule for, and cannot work through… due to not only excruciating, debilitating pain… but also vaso-vagal seizures, vomiting, and periods of unconsciousness & extreme fatigue. Sometimes, I have more than one menstrual cycle per month, so you can understand why even with doctors notes, you cannot maintain regular employment, or even effectively schedule part-time employment in most civilian sectors. Screenshot 2018-02-20 at 2.38.40 PM

My undiagnosed abdomen issues provide great discomfort when I am ‘functioning normally’ the rest of the time. I have trouble maintaining eating patterns, issues with nausea, and often an altogether absence of appetite that disturbs me, as I have to force myself to eat food! FOOD! If you know me, I am Obsessed with Food! Passionate!!
To have such an innate, voracious desire stripped entirely bare from your personality is absolutely jarring when you notice it… the simplistic dread of wondering if you’ll ever even just want to eat again is strange to experience.

My mental health issues, while I choose not to utilize as a social Crutch, do indeed effect me in civilian life & employment roles. I often try to ignore or wax over the issues they cause, however, there is, plainly, a pattern of employment behavior, for better or worse, that I can contribute directly to my illness… my pattern of labor jobs, working with peer groups of mostly men, working in kitchens & other hospitality jobs, my ‘gaps’ in employment which I personally know were times when I was on disability, or running around the globe meeting strange men, or doing sex work, or was too busy playing ‘Kept Woman’.
Screenshot 2018-02-20 at 3.37.14 PMTaking cam work seriously has offered me a peek into the idea of financial stability & a potential ‘normalized’ future… building businesses, beginning to invest, creating a personal legacy, enabling younger generations of ‘Me’ in ways I never got to experience…
However, for the third time, I cannot get there without ‘The Financial Support of Viewers Like You’.
It is the ultimate reliance on ‘The Kindness Of Strangers’…the pressing, desperate hope that somewhere out there, someone thinks I shine beautifully & authentically enough to support my trade with currency. To purchase my offerings instead of pilfering them, as is so easily done in the online world. Screenshot 2018-02-20 at 3.36.53 PM
Did you know Mindgeek owns a majority of the porntube sites online? Do you know how much content they steal from girls like me? Do you know how much that costs me? Do you know how much that hurts you as a consumer?

When companies, or even simply individuals sitting at home save, copy, download and otherwise steal pornographic content, you are removing an avenue of financial support for a content provider, but adding one more piece of media content to market for public consumption.
The more a model or content provider experiences this ‘removal of revenue, and saturation of the market with content’ cycle, the less they become financially able to produce future scalable content.
Secondarily, most providers have a strict behind-the-scenes marketing & management system for content release & management. When the market is flooded with content readily available, it can destroy not only the cohesive overall image and brand but also the marketing efforts of the brand.
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As a consumer, do you want Mark off the street to walk into a Michelin kitchen to cook your food, or do you want a trained Chef to prepare the experience? It is no different within the realm of sex work.
You pay the sex worker & trust them to provide you the most delightful of feasts… trusting them with your appetites & desires.

They deserve to be financially rewarded for their often-intuitive effort, in order to continue to provide an ever-higher-quality experience to the consumer.

Don’t you agree?

 

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Women’s Rage Can Burn The World

a1398f640abb489d3658960852178743Women can be cruel.
We hear so much about the cruelty… the cold, calculating harshness of the Patriarchy.
The Wild, Uncontrollable, Fearsome Fires of Masculine Energy…

The Destructive Nature of Man.

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And yet…
Our attention is not drawn to Women’s very nature to destroy… the simple aspect of her duality… she creates life, and she also destroys it at Will, sometimes even against it.

I have always personally wondered how many Kings have let their ears bend, being lulled by beautifully spoken words… women with machinations & jealousies… powerful, luxurious women, draped in satin, limbs dripping with drops of gems & jewels… angry, vengeful, hurt women… intelligent, manipulative women… how many wars were started by careless lovers spitting poison, rather than true hate or desire to conquer?

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Sometimes, Female Energy can explode into violent rage.
I have a personal inkling that there are many more female serial killers than we realize, they simply haven’t been caught.

I have had countless men tell me of violent girlfriends, exes, spouses, dates…and they tell me how helpless they feel in those moments. Men have practically had their rights to personal physical self defense taken away from them in situations involving a woman.
It is seen now that an angry woman is a righteous woman, and an angry man is abusive.

Recently, a man I love very much told me about being assaulted by a woman and I felt such rage. I felt a need to protect and defend… raging and ripping, tearing with teeth and claw into this… Enemy Animal.

Screenshot 2018-02-01 at 12.03.13 AMTo me, especially this man, Men are to be Protected by Women.
Nurtured, cultivated, cherished, played with, delighted in & surprised by.
Men & Women are to compliment, care for & build each other up.

Women whom violate that contract, that bond, that sacred nature, by initiating unjustified violence upon men… they do not deserve to participate in the garden of delight & pleasure between masculine & feminine.

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and that cunt can fuck herself and fall in a sharks mouth.